nervous breakdowns follow me through the nothingness of everyday life
learning to survive without people among other people, little steps until
the emptiness becomes a friend
shadows of the past glide on the walls of my mind
relations burn fast, like matches blown by northern winds
losing control again and again, words of hope
die without a trace inside ones soul,
meaningless feelings brought from beyond
by scraps of happy recollections wrapped in smoke
fake angels, tongue full of ashes, the bottle is empty
listen to stories about Jesus Of The Bar, another shot
light from above, no money no beer, just a mere sense of solitude
that spreads, spreads through, burning humanity
filled with hate I wait, we wait…
that thing that will change something, battles are lost
insanity comes and acceptance becomes an art of living
punch the air, alone in rooms full of faces, imagine the fear
no way back, ex’s names called in confusion
in dark and cold places
maybe I always lived in illusion.
fragile images touched by trembling hands
fade away;
confessed my sins to strangers and whiskey
to little dwarfs and whores
contemplating vaginas in bathrooms
gone into deep, lost girls, hands, sweat, tongues, cheeks
wet nights overcome sunny days
and having nothing pays in the end.
I want to dance with witches at black masses
give me whiskey, vodka, gin and amphetamine
I take the blame
for I have brought shame to human relations
damned to stick my thoughts in black holes
dripping memories swallowed by unknown mouths.
islands of broken hearts united in motion
growing apart into the burning oceans of lust
happiness is sold on black markets
but only the privileged have access to it
denied is the neophyte
for he doesn’t know how much
should he pay.
